He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
