Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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