and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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