it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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