i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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