Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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