So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
