You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
