I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
