Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
