you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
