Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
about cumming, not toast
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.