Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
