1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you told grandpa to call you daddy
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you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"