So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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