Texts From Last Night

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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window

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  (602): Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window http://tfl.nu/pu84
  Replies (23) Good night (685) Bad night (2356)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added

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  (416): today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added http://tfl.nu/jtyi
  Replies (13) Good night (5118) Bad night (633)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.

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  (614): I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy. http://tfl.nu/3y3a
  Replies (8) Good night (1338) Bad night (3241)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.

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  (206): dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement. http://tfl.nu/2u7j
  Replies (29) Good night (2670) Bad night (4901)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.

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  (+44): I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years. http://tfl.nu/naiq
  Replies (5) Good night (3012) Bad night (910)
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  (650): View more from California

  I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.

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  (650): I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina. http://tfl.nu/1mmo
  Replies (7) Good night (1597) Bad night (732)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Those memories are both hazy and awesome.

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  (802): Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom? (401): Those memories are both hazy and awesome. http://tfl.nu/ars0
  Replies (6) Good night (1952) Bad night (610)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car

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  (586): somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car http://tfl.nu/ci3e
  Replies (6) Good night (942) Bad night (2170)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.

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  (630): I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts. http://tfl.nu/1rjt
  Replies (2) Good night (1922) Bad night (593)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.

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  (727): The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands. http://tfl.nu/kwg7
  Replies (5) Good night (1325) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them

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  (706): I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them http://tfl.nu/sm11
  Replies (10) Good night (1577) Bad night (734)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.

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  (406): We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right. http://tfl.nu/ritk
  Replies (5) Good night (2027) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.

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  (936): We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by. http://tfl.nu/7uma
  Replies (3) Good night (997) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"

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  (859): We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free (502): Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels" http://tfl.nu/26v2
  Replies (3) Good night (1252) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I can't wait to tell mom.

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  (920): He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me? (262): I can't wait to tell mom. http://tfl.nu/c20r
  Replies (2) Good night (484) Bad night (622)

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