therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.