Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
this will be a night to untag.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
