Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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