my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
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he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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