she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Randomize
