I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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