my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
