I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
