I am puke
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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