I got chris browned last night
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
