so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
is it fun? or sober?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
