Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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