found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
