I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
