Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Holy shit dude........stairs
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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