mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Randomize
