Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
