the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
