im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
