there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Drunk is a universal language darling
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