after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
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He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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