I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
