I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
you had me at cake vodka
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
