I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I cut my penus on the lid.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
