the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
