I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
