its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
