Your face is a jimmy john
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
