i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
