Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
