So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
