it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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