if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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