We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
