You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Come see our sink grown plant.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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