Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
