I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
