You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
