Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
