Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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