he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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