I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
