And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Boobs are out for the taking
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
we're so committed to being not committed
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
