pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
