You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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