now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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