if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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