hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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