OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
