are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
