You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
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Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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