just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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