My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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