I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
