I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
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Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
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I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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