i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
