i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
