I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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