JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
