the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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