I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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