Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
