I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
MIDGETS
????
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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