You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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