OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
