So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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