you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
