She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
