I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We left the knife in your bed.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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