so that wasnt chicken after all
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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