Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize