just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
