you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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