I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I wear drunk well.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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