I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
