Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
