he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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